My Journey to Sunrise -- The Dawn of a New Day

The last two weeks have brought with them a return to "feeling normal" again. I am grateful. Grief is a process, and I've found it moves at its own pace. 2009 had many joys and accomplishments, but the final (cherished) days with my grandfather during the summer, saying goodbye to him in August, and then watching Alzheimer's take away my great aunt's memory three weeks later... it took a tremendous toll on me. Just when I thought I was moving forward, Matt's unexpected death in January reopened the wounds of sadness. I found I needed time to draw away to heal, process through the loss, and reflect on the impact of these experiences. I am thankful my loved ones are no longer in pain, but I am honest enough to say I wish I could still enjoy their company, see their smile, hear their laugh. And while I know God has been with me on this journey, I confess there have been some days of deep sadness, the sting of loss, and some moments of darkness. But now, I'm beginning to see the sun rise again.

The peace of God has brought comfort to me. Happiness has returned to my heart. I feel like I've been walking in a fog, but it is now lifting as a new morning is dawning in my life. Thinking about this earlier today, I was reminded of the early morning sunrise along Pearl River in my Mississippi hometown. As darkness turns to dawn, often there is fog. Then as the sun rises, the fog dissipates. One can see clearly. That is where I am at today-- and for the last two weeks. The fog is moving out as the sun is rising. The "routine" of life of the last few months is being replaced with the pure joy of living that is my “normal” state of being. I’ve learned many lessons as a result of these losses, come face-to-face with my own strengths and weaknesses, and realized the sacredness of simple things once taken for granted and insignificance of other things which once seemed so important. Through it all, I have God’s Spirit and presence. It has been a productive time of introspection, a needed time of healing, and now I am ready to continue my journey. I’m grateful for the sunrise, and I’m excited about walking forward into this new day.

Today I am encouraged by the words recorded in Luke, chapter 1 (v. 78-79, ESV) in which Zechariah, who had been silent for several months, was able to speak forth a prophecy at the birth of his son, John the Baptist. These Bible verses seem applicable to the way I feel today:

“Because of the tender mercy of our God,
whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace."